Don’t be a Victim
The True Lasting Legacy of a Cultural Icon
Shot by John Murray
Homage to Keeler
Despite being abused and exploited by the British Establishment in the 1960s, Christine Keeler’s undying wish was to NOT be seen as a victim. We can learn a lot from this spirited woman’s positive attitude, especially in times of adversity, when all we want to do is wallow in the “why me?”
Pandemic aside, over the last 20 months, I have struggled through some of the darkest days of my life. The marriage I thought was always and forever fell apart in August 2020, when my husband of 5 years, partner of 11, decided that he wanted to split up, with little explanation.
If the shock of this proclamation wasn’t enough, the manner in which he delivered the news was cold, emphatic and non-negotiable. Having been darkly depressed for many months, he appeared to be acting out of his depression and increased alcohol consumption. I had begged him to get professional help (I even had private health insurance that covered mental health issues for both of us), but he adamantly refused, and so, there we were.
As chance, and poor timing would have it, I had a train ticket booked to visit him in 10 days time. I thought if we spent some time together I could fight for us and persuade him to seek help. The next week was a traumatic rollercoaster of emotions - should I go or not? Could anything be done? Fraught phone calls that were hopeful and conciliatory during his morning breaks at work, would turn nasty and vicious in the evenings, once he’d hit the bottle. I survived the week (including a weekend of telling my sister-in-law and close friends what was going on), then I made the fateful decision to travel.
It’s almost impossible to revisit those few days in August without spiralling into a vortex of emotion and self-pity. In years to come PTSD will likely be diagnosed… Having merely told me he ‘didn’t love me the way he used to’, he now admitted, when directly questioned again, that there was someone else.
My red line had been crossed.
After rinsing the red wine I threw in his face with the pint of water on the table next to me, I made my exit and haven’t seen him since.
Shot by John Murray
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We had no children together and he’d lived in my home (rent free) for 9 years, so, in theory, the whole mess could have been wrapped up in a couple of weeks. We’d agreed terms and I’d had a Minute of Agreement drawn up.
18 months later he signed the papers.
This is not supposed to read as a character assassination. Far from it! Merely a cathartic exercise and one I hope might even help others in a similar position.
When I look back at the latter days of our marriage, I realise how his drinking and emotional abuse when drunk had damaged me and eroded my self esteem. I had believed in his numerous apologies and had hoped for years he would quit drinking. But as with all addictions, the sufferer needs to want to help themselves.
And he didn’t.
Shot by John Murray
I now see the experience as a triumph of the feminine! My closest girlfriends stepped up in ways I could never have imagined. They are solid gold and I will forever be in their debt. From the phone call I made to my friend of 40 years, as I ran crying from the restaurant where he’d delivered the fatal blow, to the friend who found me a divorce lawyer when I couldn’t even bring myself to Google! Those endless calls, check ins, coffee dates and wine o’clock conversations took me from broken, to fractured, and finally… to fully healed.
Many of these relationships have deepened and blossomed - new life and new levels of honesty have sprung from the tears, laughter, trauma and shared tales of men past, present and possibly future!
And then there’s the dating! But that’s a story for another day… or another blog! Or a book.
Through the worst of it, I always knew there would be brighter days ahead, that the break up wasn’t my choice, or my fault, and that I do not need to behave or feel like a victim. When dealt a harsh deck, the way you choose to play your hand is very much within your own control.
Just as Christine Keeler fought to move beyond the events that defined her early adulthood, I will not be defined by a broken marriage. It’s a chapter in my story, but it’s not all she wrote!
And so I hold my head high, walking tall into a bright future, full of confidence for what’s ahead for this ever-hopeful romantic.
Special thanks to my dear friend and excellent photographer, John Murray, for asking me to recreate the iconic, 1963, Lewis Morley image of Christine Keeler with him.
This shoot took place in October 2020, a mere 2 months after my break up. It has taken a while for me to feel ready to share my story, so the images have been delayed… I commend John for his patience and understanding.
John was ably assisted by Chloe Scullion and Erin Whoriskey. Thank you all!
Nx